instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
