you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize