the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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