The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
