Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
