yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
