oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
