i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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