After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
