I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
