next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
