do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i love accidental penises.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We need to get me chipped asap
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize