Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
