My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You are the jesus of drinking
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
