Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
