remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize