I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
FUCK WHALES
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
