Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
its liver damage thursday
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
