I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
