My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
