So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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