You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's never too late to be topless.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
