This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
