she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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