1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
