Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
