I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
