Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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