why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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