I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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