Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
