woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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