Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
