You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
