I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
