she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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