I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
