i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
