my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
