batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
