im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
