meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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