So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
