I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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