hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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