Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I looked at my own cervix.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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