Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
