the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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