At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He passed out mid-signature
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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