Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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