Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
