I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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