Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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