I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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