you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
