I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize