it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
