32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
