I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
