...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
