5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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