guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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