There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
