Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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