who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
