i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
