i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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