I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
